Nothing like a good bit of subversive cross stitching to calm those nerves

The Brief Safe

Even the most hardened burgler or most curious snoop will “skid” to a screeching halt as soon as they see them.

The little Bride - by Jack T. Chick
To quote Mr. Chick:

I went to church and saw all the deadness and hypocrisy, and I thought: “that’s why there’s no revival.”

Yes, well put, Mr. Chick. You just be sure to continue to love thy neighbor.

Jesus Dress Up Fridge Magnets

There’s a Christmas edition, too! I’m just waiting for the Easter edition - I think JC would look great with bunny ears.

…how to find the ideal condom size for your Johnson?

Use Condomania’s FitKit!

Watch out for paper cuts!

heeheehee

Is it safe?

Don’t be unprepared when disaster strikes! www.preparingforemergencies.co.uk has all the information you need.

If a bomb goes off outside your building, stay inside (away from windows, lifts and outer doors) in case there is a second bomb in the area. Because one bomb just isn’t enough nowadays, darling, all the proper terrorists use two.

Airtoons

President Bush has gone bonkers. No, wait, he always has been, hasn’t he.

National Sanctity of Human Life Day, 2006 - A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

Our Nation was founded on the belief that every human being has rights, dignity, and value.

So, that would mean Iraqis are not human, or what?

On National Sanctity of Human Life Day, we underscore our commitment to building a culture of life where all individuals are welcomed in life and protected in law.

Yes, especially the inmates on death row…

America is making great strides in our efforts to protect human life.

And that would be why living as an American overseas is so…safe now, great efforts!

One of my first actions as President was to sign an order banning the use of taxpayer money on programs that promote abortion overseas.

Wow, that was just so much more important than, say, providing a good education and a stable social system for every citizen of the United States.

Over the past 5 years, I also have been proud to sign into law the Born-Alive Infants Protection Act, the Unborn Victims of Violence Act, and a ban on partial-birth abortion.

Great! How about protecting the Already-Born-Humans of violent acts by bringing our troops home or at least paying for decent body armor?

In addition, my Administration continues to fund abstinence and adoption programs and numerous faith-based and community initiatives that support these efforts.

Abstinence? Faith-based? Are you the president of the United States or are you Jim Baker?

When we seek to advance science and improve our lives, we must always preserve human dignity and remember that human life is a gift from our Creator.

1. Yes, someone suffering from multiple sclerosis, sitting in a wheel chair, just having shit in his pants because he’s lost control of his muscles, will surely thank you for preserving human dignity rather than using science to find a cure.
2. “gift from our Creator” - Again, are you the president of the United States or Jim Fucking Baker? I believe that violates the 1. Amendment (if you use Thomas Jefferson’s interpretation - “a wall of separation between church and State.”). Beyond that, hello - aren’t we currently having lawsuits about teaching evolution vs. “intelligent design” (haha, love the use of the word “intelligent”)? I believe evolution is preferred…

We must not sanction the creation of life only to destroy it. America must pursue the tremendous possibilities of medicine and research and at the same time remain an ethical and compassionate society.

Yes, you showed great compassion during the Louisiana floods, didn’t you. And what “tremendous possibilites of medicine’” are you talking about, while you are restricting anything that doesn’t fit your ueber-Christian values?

National Sanctity of Human Life Day is an opportunity to strengthen our resolve in creating a society where every life has meaning and our most vulnerable members are protected and defended including unborn children, the sick and dying, and persons with disabilities and birth defects. This is an ideal that appeals to the noblest and most generous instincts within us, and this is the America we will achieve by working together.

Again - every life has meaning? What about the lives on death row? Defending unborn children? How about defending the born. Sick and dying? How about preventing sickness and death by permitting “tremendous possibilities of medicine”, or do you think your “Creator” will cure everybody? I haven’t seen evidence of that so far. Noble and generous instincts? What the hell have you done in your entire life that could be considered noble or generous? Unless you count giving one of your horses on your ranch in Texas an extra carrot.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim Sunday, January 22, 2006, as National Sanctity of Human Life Day. I call upon all Americans to recognize this day with appropriate ceremonies and to reaffirm our commitment to respecting and defending the life and dignity of every human being.

You start, asshole. How about defending the lives of our troops, the dignity of same-sex marriages, the dignity of teenagers with unwanted pregnancies, etc. Hypocrite.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twentieth day of January, in the year of our Lord two thousand six, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirtieth.

It’s 2fucking006, period. And he’s not MY Lord, damnit.

GEORGE W. BUSH

(he’s the guy on the right)

Dear President Bush,

Congratulations on your declaration of January 22 as “National Sanctity of Human Life Day”, a truly splendid way to celebrate the life we all hold so dear. This declaration is long, long overdue. After seeing those aborted baby fetuses that those pleasant pro-life groups threw at my car as I drove through downtown last month, I must say that I agree that abortions are just bad. We probably shouldn’t stop there, though. Since we’re telling women what to do with their bodies, I genuinely believe we should enforce a law that requires all women over the age of 18 with a cup size of less than a “C” to get silicone or saline implants or, in the very least, begin some kind of hormone therapy. And, of course, we need to do something about the fatties. With all of the breast enhancement and lipsouction jobs we’d create with this legislation, the abortion doctors should have no problem supplementing the income they’ve lost to killing babies, and America will stand not only as a paeon of virtue but of beauty as well. You’re so brilliant, though, that you’ve probably already thought of this. Kudos!

As part of your celebration of the “Sanctity of Human Life”, I assume you’ll also be withdrawing our troops from the war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan. This is a remarkably noble gesture on your part and I believe it proves to those doubting naysayers that you are, truly, a compassionate conservative. I can’t wait to see our troops, now safely out of harm’s way, reunited with their families at every airport. It will make those anally violating strip searches your administration imposed at the metal detectors all the more worth it.

Naturally, you’ll also be working tirelessly to reduce poverty in our nation’s inner cities. After all, there are babies dying from malnutrition and drug overdoses right here in our own country! Your commitment to save them and prove that you are, in your words, “creating a society where every life has meaning and our most vulnerable members are protected and defended” makes me want to weep with tears of joy and exultation. You are truly a magnificent man.

We have already witnessed your gracious and respectable commitment to the sanctity of human life in your selfless act of reanimating Mr. Cheney. It is thrilling to see him at the top of his game five years after being declared legally dead by those liberal wackjob doctors at Johns Hopkins. Once you’ve cured him of his fear of fire, he will be 100 percent again. Just amazing! I can’t wait to see how you reanimate your popularity with this latest crusade!

Keep on doing the good work of the American people, Mr. President. If you need some help furthering your commitment to life, drop me a line. Even if it means I’ll have to impregnate a few young, newly attractive American women to prove my dedication to this cause, I’ll happily serve my nation. Anything for you, Mr. Bush.

Sincerely,

Rob Zazueta
Red-Blooded, Proud American

(Copied with the kind permission of Rob Zazueta; January 23, 2006)

seen at skoopy.com