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Joey’s Spanking Paddles

Calibrating your paddle:
Before applying paddle to a child you should determine the force of your swing.
There is only one way to measure effectively - swat yourself on the rump and adjust your swing appropriately.

I’m not sure what’s funnier - the idea of “calibrating” a wooden paddle or the idea of some loser smacking his own ass with it.

Suggested Punishment Guidelines

1 Swat	2 Swats	3 Swats	4 Swats	5 Swats
Disrespect	Cursing	Cheating Lying Direct Defiance	Stealing	Endangering someone’s safety. Taking Drugs. Smoking. Drinking.

Shit, that’s at least 13 swats a day for me!

After punishment is served: Give your child a hug and tell them that you love them!

And if your child replies with: “Gee thanks, you violent motherfucker!” you’ve got the perfect reason for giving them at least another 20 swats with Joey’s Spanking Paddle!