I simply must have the Disinfecting UV Scanner

Protect your family from colds, flu, and germs such as E. coli. Portable scanner instantly disinfects doorknobs, faucets, computer keyboards and mouse, phones. Just wave it over the item-kills 99.9% of germs in seconds. Great for travel and everyday use. Uses 4 AAA batteries (not included). Folds to just 4 1/2″ long to fit in included carry pouch.

I’m a bit worried about the remaining 0.1%, though.

Hopping & Yodelling Lederhosen

Just press the button on the 4″ long, plastic knockwurst and watch in joyous astonishment as the lederhosen hops around and sings a merry little yodel.

Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all.”

Read all about it on the Telegraph.co.uk

Downloadable 3-eyed paper bear named “undy”.

Let Dr. Ed van Pelt (say that without laughing) help you.

christvertising.com

Ex-Homecoming Queen Beats Sister With Fake Leg In Trailer

And now I know just what to pack:

Pervert-Proof Panties

For years, schoolgirls have had to be vigilant about jerks with cameras trying to get a panchira (panty-glimpse) up their skirts. But they have an even creepier problem now: Clever degenerates are modifying their videocam’s night-vision mode to see right through fabric, revealing all. Enter textile company Cramer Japan, which has developed a nylon and polyurethane weave that blocks infrared rays. The result? ShotGuard Inner Shorts, panties that are impervious to pervs. Adding to the deterrent is that the $17 underwear is available only in a fetish-stifling beige. Next up for Cramer: voyeur-resistant bras.

(Comment about my favorite gold digging media whore Heather Mills)

“Heather has a very unusual erogenous zone - her stump. I used to massage one particular area and it gave her an orgasm.”

Eww.

Lolita love affair scandalises Italy

In case you’re wondering what the hell Captain Fruitcake is talking about: Tom Cruise Scientology-Video Glossary: What Is He Talking About?

More reasons why Tom Cruise is crazier than a sack of weazels