My old toy:

My new toy:

Will update you on the pros and cons soon…

Lolita love affair scandalises Italy

Now THIS is really disturbing news.

TACOMA, Washington (AP) — A woman who coached her children to fake mental retardation to collect disability benefits was sentenced to three years in prison Thursday.

Rosie Costello, 46, must also pay nearly $288,000 in restitution after pleading guilty in U.S. District Court to conspiracy to defraud the government and Social Security fraud. Last week, a judge sentenced her son, Pete Costello, to 13 months in prison.

The scheme was discovered after Pete Costello, now 28, was seen contesting a traffic ticket in a Vancouver, Washington, courtroom. Since he was 8, his mother had represented to state and federal officials that he was so severely retarded he could not perform simple tasks.

Earlier, she had used the same scheme with her daughter, Marie, beginning when the girl was 4. Investigators have been unable to find the daughter.

The sentence imposed was longer than the federal guideline.

U.S. District Judge Ronald B. Leighton called Costello a “habitual offender” who “asked her children to do despicable things,” according to a statement from the U.S. attorney’s office in Seattle.

“I’m sorry for what I did,” Costello told the court. “I had a very hard life. I have grandchildren out there who need me. If I could, I would take it all back.”

Yeah, they’re alway sorry when they get caught.

Source: CNN.com

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats that have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance”. The last time “A Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

It’s not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased its alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”.

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs”. Two higher levels remain: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the Old Spanish Navy.

Jan sent me this, but of course I tried to find the original source on the internet - nobody seems to know who wrote this. But it’s good, anyway.

Lonely man brought donkey to hotel room, court told  

A man who was found dressed in latex and handcuffs brought a donkey to his room in a  Galway city centre hotel, because he was advised “to get out and meet people,” the local court heard last week. (more…)

Scent of a woman puts airline’s nose out of joint
Maybe she should have bought The Flat-D Fart Filter Underwear Insert at shopinprivate.com.

…may be hazardous to your health - unless you enjoy being attacked by microwaves.

French kiss puts Japanese in ooh la la land

Woman Gets Cable Bill With Derogatory Name

LaChania Govan said she got bounced around by her cable company when she called to complain. She made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish, a language she doesn’t understand.

But when she got her August bill from Comcast she had no trouble understanding she’d made somebody mad. It was addressed to “Bitch Dog.” (more…)

Driver Chases Car After Falling Out
KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Opening up your door while driving isn’t a good idea, especially on a busy highway.
(more…)

Police plan piggish counter-terrorism psychological warfare

The police are considering using bags of lard in buses and other places to deter Moslem suicide bombers.

The police are gong to begin implementing their plan to hang bags of swine fat in buses and other public places, in the hope it will deter suicide bombers from entering them.

The suggestion is based on the fact that Islam, like Judaism, regards the pig as an unclean animal. Strict Moslem tradition holds that any Moslem who touches a pig before dying will be denied access to heaven.

The main way of recruiting suicide bombers, many of whom are religiously observant Moslems, is the assurance that as martyrs (shahids) their place in paradise is guaranteed, assuring them seventy willing virgins will be at their beck and call, according to Moslem tradition.

The police thought of using pigs or pork products to ward off terrorism months ago, but needed a rabbinical permit to carry it out, so as not to offend Jewish sensibilities.

Rabbi Eliezer Moshe Fisher, of the Jerusalem Rabbinical Court, ruled on Wednesday that ?there is no halachic ban on using bags of lard in buses and other places? when saving lives is concerned. The halachic permit says bags of lard may be used in any place that might be a target for suicide bombings, such as schools, shopping malls, railway stations etc.

The rabbi also said that if the police do not use pig fat in buses, tens of thousands of ultra-Orthodox Jews will arm themselves with spray guns filled with liquid lard, which they will spray on terrorists whenever the need arises.

Deputy Defense Minister MK Ya’akov Edri came out in support of the new idea. If bags of pig lard will prevent zealous Moslem terrorists from carrying out attacks, I?m all for it?, he said.

Maariv International, February 12, 2004