The retired electrician faces charges of incest, abduction and imprisonment and could serve 15 years in jail if convicted.

So this is what Satan looks like in a weenie wrapper.

would a book like this be published (no joke):

A must-have for any mother with young children considering undergoing plastic surgery.

Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a renowned plastic surgeon, wrote My Beautiful Mommy to help patients explain their transformation to their children. The story guides children through Mommy’s surgery and healing process in a friendly, nonthreatening way.

Hopping & Yodelling Lederhosen

Just press the button on the 4″ long, plastic knockwurst and watch in joyous astonishment as the lederhosen hops around and sings a merry little yodel.

Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all.”

Read all about it on the Telegraph.co.uk

Let Dr. Ed van Pelt (say that without laughing) help you.

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Lolita love affair scandalises Italy

In case you’re wondering what the hell Captain Fruitcake is talking about: Tom Cruise Scientology-Video Glossary: What Is He Talking About?

More reasons why Tom Cruise is crazier than a sack of weazels

So my landlord was supposed to fix the furnace in my bathroom because right now, all I can do is wash up with ice cold water - we’re talking arctic, I look like the ice-carved version of Medusa after washing my hair, it’s so freakin cold. He says he’ll fix it on Saturday, Oct. 27th - my birthday. I think woohoo, cool birthday present, a nice hot shower! He has a key to my flat so I purposely spend all day out to return to what I hope will be the great result. And this is it:

My shower. The furnace should be here.

The wall in my bathroom. Well, what used to be a wall.

The wall in my hallway. Yes, hallway. Don’t ask me why they had to rip that open - all I needed was a new furnace!

This is inside my kitchen cupboard. No, the kitchen is not in the bathroom. And it’s not in the hallway, either. Go figure.

Ah, what a lovely way to spend my birthday.

Joey’s Spanking Paddles

Calibrating your paddle:
Before applying paddle to a child you should determine the force of your swing.
There is only one way to measure effectively - swat yourself on the rump and adjust your swing appropriately.

I’m not sure what’s funnier - the idea of “calibrating” a wooden paddle or the idea of some loser smacking his own ass with it.

Suggested Punishment Guidelines

1 Swat	2 Swats	3 Swats	4 Swats	5 Swats
Disrespect	Cursing	Cheating Lying Direct Defiance	Stealing	Endangering someone’s safety. Taking Drugs. Smoking. Drinking.

Shit, that’s at least 13 swats a day for me!

After punishment is served: Give your child a hug and tell them that you love them!

And if your child replies with: “Gee thanks, you violent motherfucker!” you’ve got the perfect reason for giving them at least another 20 swats with Joey’s Spanking Paddle!

no fancy logo, but not less disturbing:

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