Read what Rob Zazueta has to say about it
Dear President Bush,
Congratulations on your declaration of January 22 as “National Sanctity of Human Life Day”, a truly splendid way to celebrate the life we all hold so dear. This declaration is long, long overdue. After seeing those aborted baby fetuses that those pleasant pro-life groups threw at my car as I drove through downtown last month, I must say that I agree that abortions are just bad. We probably shouldn’t stop there, though. Since we’re telling women what to do with their bodies, I genuinely believe we should enforce a law that requires all women over the age of 18 with a cup size of less than a “C” to get silicone or saline implants or, in the very least, begin some kind of hormone therapy. And, of course, we need to do something about the fatties. With all of the breast enhancement and lipsouction jobs we’d create with this legislation, the abortion doctors should have no problem supplementing the income they’ve lost to killing babies, and America will stand not only as a paeon of virtue but of beauty as well. You’re so brilliant, though, that you’ve probably already thought of this. Kudos!
As part of your celebration of the “Sanctity of Human Life”, I assume you’ll also be withdrawing our troops from the war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan. This is a remarkably noble gesture on your part and I believe it proves to those doubting naysayers that you are, truly, a compassionate conservative. I can’t wait to see our troops, now safely out of harm’s way, reunited with their families at every airport. It will make those anally violating strip searches your administration imposed at the metal detectors all the more worth it.
Naturally, you’ll also be working tirelessly to reduce poverty in our nation’s inner cities. After all, there are babies dying from malnutrition and drug overdoses right here in our own country! Your commitment to save them and prove that you are, in your words, “creating a society where every life has meaning and our most vulnerable members are protected and defended” makes me want to weep with tears of joy and exultation. You are truly a magnificent man.
We have already witnessed your gracious and respectable commitment to the sanctity of human life in your selfless act of reanimating Mr. Cheney. It is thrilling to see him at the top of his game five years after being declared legally dead by those liberal wackjob doctors at Johns Hopkins. Once you’ve cured him of his fear of fire, he will be 100 percent again. Just amazing! I can’t wait to see how you reanimate your popularity with this latest crusade!
Keep on doing the good work of the American people, Mr. President. If you need some help furthering your commitment to life, drop me a line. Even if it means I’ll have to impregnate a few young, newly attractive American women to prove my dedication to this cause, I’ll happily serve my nation. Anything for you, Mr. Bush.
Sincerely,
Rob Zazueta
Red-Blooded, Proud American
(Copied with the kind permission of Rob Zazueta; January 23, 2006)
